I started being more present.
I noticed people dying around me and I saw myself on the road to making a regretful mistake.
I emotionally fell off after high school. I despised a lot of my high school friends, couldn’t stand my family, and ran away from a terrible break up.
The spiral just kept going. I was gaining success but losing myself. At one point I looked in the mirror and I didn’t remember the last time I spoke to my sister.
My best friend since K5 got engaged and I found out through Facebook. She’s not even at fault. I have just been so emotionally disconnected.
A person I interned with at Disney, died. When I left my internship two years ago, I promised him I would show up for his parties, I would grab coffee, and we would catch up.
But, I never made the time.
I skipped holidays with my family for years because I couldn’t stand the drama that came with it. I was angry with them for things that happened to me all the way back to when I was 5 years old. I didn’t want to have to explain myself to them nor relive the memories.
I suffer from anxiety. It’s genetic in my family but I’ve developed it through childhood circumstances.
Part of me moved to California to start over and part of me moved here because my heart belongs here. I love both reasons. I recently got promoted in my very well-set career. Less than two years out of college and I oversee all emails and campaigns for a Top 3 Shoe Brand in the Industry. That’s HUGE.
I’ve gotten asked a couple times, “if you could do anything and already knew you would be successful, what would you do?” Succeeding that, they usually say… do exactly that.
My mind jumped to my family. I thought, “I would spend more time with my mom.”
There it was. I started to cry.
Although my journey to my beginning success has been incredible, it has also been incredibly emotional. I needed support from the people that loved me – not the industry.
I have made it a point to call, just because. Because if they would die tomorrow, I would hate myself for not telling them that I love them today.
I’ve also changed the way I leave relationships. Drake said, “if I ever loved you, I’ll always love you. That’s how I was raised.” And that resonated with me because although I had to leave men I loved, that didn’t mean I stopped loving them and they needed to know exactly that. Love doesn’t change.
Taking things for granted was so high school. This lesson I’ve learned.
Lately, I started being more present.
Written By: CeeCee
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