You Are Sufficient.
As a mom of three I tend too lose myself, not on purpose but also a little on purpose, because I want to fulfill the needs of my family in my house hold. But I also forget about myself while in the process.
I’m going to GET REAL AND VULNERABLE WITH YOU.
Between, Thanksgiving and Christmas of 2018 I had couple suicidal thoughts, it had scared me I was just feeling BLAH.
I’ve felt the depression, anxiety hit me like a brick to the back of the head.
I was in the process of putting 2 kids in car so 1 of the kids can go to school. While my 3rd is already at school.
If you don’t know my day to day schedule here is a slight glimpse.
I have three kids, one child (my oldest) goes to school at 730-8am.
I take all three kids so I can just take one.
I come back home try to get some chores done around the house.
Then between 1130-1145am I take middle child to school while I still have my youngest at home all to myself, but man, she is the most destructive out of the boys. (I thought girls are supposed to be kind and sweet) (add a little laughter)
So, I’m back home trying to get more chores done but my youngest is just undoing all or most of what I’ve done and then I go and clean her mess back up.
So, anyways at 2:30pm I pick middle child up then my oldest at 2:50.
We get back home, I just want a nap.
And some days I get it and some day’s I don’t. My youngest has been fighting her sleep like HARDCORE, so she has to lay with me to get her to just relax and have quiet time.
I shut my eyes but was only meaning to for 10 minuets… well 2 hours have passed and its 5 pm. My husband is about to walk through the door. He has never been one to say what didn’t you do all day, but you can see it in his face like why didn’t you do dishes, or pick up the pile of clothes in washer.
But by some miracle I do get my chores done. Same routine but different day, I don’t get a “thank you”, or “nice house.”
So back to the between thanksgiving and Christmas… I was taking my middle child to work, and I just felt so insufficient, for my kids, for my husband, I wasn’t getting anything done with the house.
Dishes where piling up for a couple days now I had absolutely no energy, I just wanted to stay in bed.
I called Thomas, (my husband) to ask him a question, we were about to hang up, but he knew something was wrong with me from the tone of my voice. He asked me if I was okay. I wanted to say yes like I normally do. (The whole “I’m Fine” phrase but you’re really not.) Something told me to tell him “no not really, but I will be.” I just wanted to hang up so I didn’t cry while on the phone with him.
I told him I just don’t feel loved by him, and or by my kids, or by anyone. I feel so much stress of taking and picking kids up all up at different times. Not having the home in a peaceful state when he comes home from work. I just felt like I wasn’t doing my job as a mom. My oldest had behavioral therapy, middle had speech therapy, youngest had physical and occupational therapy. I didn’t/don’t know how to help because some methods are frowned upon and /or everyone is just waiting for you to screw up to make a viral post of you screwing yours or your kid’s life up these days.
So, I’m on the phone with my husband while trying to drop of middle child Liam, and he doesn’t want to hang up. In that moment I realized he cares he wanted to make sure I was and will be truly alright.
The Enemy was working hard on me that day. Thomas said, “you need to pray right now” and I did, he may have not been praying out loud but Thomas was praying right then and there over the
phone.
I may not be SUFFICIENT for people outside of my home, but I have realized by God’s grace I am sufficient for my husband and my kids. There will be days I don’t always see it. But I will always know it.
It does stink that it takes a scary situation for me to realize it.
A wise person once told me that your child will always fall while running and we may help them back up but we can’t always stop the fall because they have their own will and didn’t listen/trust us when we say don’t run.
It’s the same way with us. God will always love us and help us back up, but we have our own will and times we will fall because we didn’t listen/trust in Him.
Since that day I have been emotionally, as well as mentally stable. I think it mostly had to do with the holidays. I’m so used to being around a lot of people for the holidays and this year it was just Thomas, kids, and I. I truly missed it all but it’s okay now that I’m better emotionally, physically, spiritually, all because my Husband Thomas saved me I don’t really know if he knows that.
My favorite section is in the back of the Bible. The NIV Concordance, it has the word you have questions about, or are feeling/going through and right underneath the word is the book/chapter/verse in and you can go straight there and read the full verse.
I have basically been living out of this section since Christmas its not a bad thing at all because it has become my Bi-Daily devotion. I say Bi-daily because well I am still a mother and sometimes forget to open it up.
The word I always stumble across is SUFFICIENT.
The definition of this word is ENOUGH, ADEQUATE. The sentence they put it in is SO POWERFUL.
“A Small Income that was for her needs.”
When I think of this sentence I think of Jesus and his death was anything but small. I may be small in more ways than one to Jesus, but he still died on the cross for me. I am sufficient, I am enough, I am adequate for Him.
I am sufficient, I am enough, I am adequate for my husband, and my kids.
2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest in me. NIV
In the midst of of trials and suffering we may feel that God is not working things out like we think he should. Paul realized that often, the Lord does not “fix” situations, because through our pain we see him work a better plan. Not only can he sustain us, but his power can be more clearly demonstrated in our weakness. If we are willing to submit to his plans, then we can see the Lord accomplish even greater things than we could do in our own strength.
He is the light, the light that shines through when we allow and submit to the word of God.
There will always be a day where we have a off day but I can try my best to stay in the light so I will never go back to that place of darkness.
All Things Beautiful — Haley B
Written By: Haley Brooks
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Instagram: @haleybrooks2012
