Being little we all live fairly tales, we all eventually grow out of them, I unfortunately grew out of it at a very young age.
At the age of 5 was when I was told I was ugly, by a 18 year old girl. At the age of 12 was when someone told me, that I’m a waste of space.
When you’re a teenager we all start to experience depression & anxiety. I will NEVER EVER forget the words that people said to me in High School, because of what so many people have said to me, I’ve tried so many time to commit suicide but I didn’t want to die which was the problem, I wanted to continue living.
But I didn’t want to live if, living means being treated like shit. I didn’t understand, I actually still don’t understand why we do this to each other, we all make each other feel like shitty, but really what do we get back, from harming others? Instead of hurting one & another we should stand together, help each other get stronger as a person.
When I was 16 I was told by a lot of people at my High School, I’m nothing, I’m a joke. It’s all I ever got growing up. A girl came up to me, I don’t and I won’t ever forget the words she said to me which were, “Eww gross look at you, don’t your parents have enough money to at least buy you clothes? You’re that poor that you steal your brother’s clothes! Go kill yourself, you’re just an another living wasting our air & space…” as she through 3 dollars to my face & walked off.
I always, always blamed myself, it was me, it was always me, it’s my fault I’m ugly, I’m nothing, they’re all right. I never blamed my parents, for any of it. I kept the bulling to myself, I never wanted to tell my parents, they already had a lot on their plate. I was afraid that they would blame me, “Its your fault they must treat you like that for a reason. What did you do to them so they can treat you like that?” I kept it to myself for years but, as the years started going by, my depression started getting bigger. I didn’t want to do anything, I always gave up so easily. I wasn’t the same anymore. I was so much sadder.
I hated myself for being depressed up til I found @beyourownyou page 2 years ago. The @beyourownyou page had helped me in so many ways, I’m beyond grateful for the Community. All the years I attended High School I was abused a lot, and in my Sophomore year I was almost Sexually Assaulted, when I informed my Vice-Principal all she did was look at me up & down and said, “Well of course, I mean look at what your wear. You’re the one whose provoking this to happen. If you don’t want to get raped wear more clothes!”
My entire Sophomore year I only wore sweatpants and sweatshirts so I really didn’t understand why & how I was provoking it. The school didn’t do anything to make me feel safe. The school prefers to make, Dancer Co. Cheerleaders feel safe. They didn’t do anything, nothing at all. The guy who did me so much harm was in fact on the football team & because of it, they gave him a free pass for the 8th time.
It took me such a long time, to come out an tell my mom what happened. Yet after a year & a half I still had a hard time to tell her. It was hard for me to tell her that someone had just harmed her little girl. She obviously knew something was up with me. I didn’t like to talk & I hated to smile, I just hated everything & everyone. Before that I wasn’t at all like that, so yea of course my mom knew something was up and she didn’t give up til she found out.
I’ll never forgive myself for harming my mom, I tried committing suicide so many time and in 4 situations my mom has caught me trying to harm myself, I did more damage to her then I did to myself & anyone else!
But I never spoke up because being a poor Latina it’s hard for your voice to be heard. But I’m here sharing my story with you guys. Don’t give up life isn’t easy it’s never gonna be. Just know that what ever your going through your going to get though it!
Written By: Yennifer Moreno
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